Fitting in... something most of us want in one form or another. Probably a survival technique from as far back as the stone ages. We feel safer as part of a group and are willing to conform our own behavior to the requirements of the group so we can stay part of it. There is an inherent benefit to this; people learn social skills and manners, they learn to be aware of their own behavior and how it affects others, they learn to in effect see themselves from outside themselves. By sticking together a group can withstand larger threats than by standing alone as individuals. We can build infrastructure that optimizes support of the group and allows individual growth and freedom.
But groups are made up of individuals each looking to maximize the benefit to themselves. No one joins a group looking solely to provide benefit to the others in the group. The group dynamic works best when the goals of the group are aligned in such a way that the members of the group receive the benefits they are looking for while at the same time being able to provide something back. 'You need what I want to give' may sound selfish, but is actually an optimal and self-sustaining model.
The control mechanisms for groups are easy to understand as well. You behave according to group standards and you are allowed to remain in the group and receive the benefits the group can provide. You give, you take and everything remains in balance. Except when it doesn't. Except when the group wants from you more than you receive in return, or wants from you things you are not willing to give in which case you attempt to change the group, or you go and find another.
But it's never that easy is it? New people entering a group instinctively try to change it to better fit their own wants and needs, while those already in the group fight to keep it the way it was. Those skilled in manipulation inter-social interaction try to draw others to the group by increasing a group's desirability. This is done both through increasing the awareness of those outside the group, and in some cases by purposeful exclusion to increase interest.
So then you are left with a difficult dilemma: 'Do I want to join this group because it's truly of interest/benefit to me? Or do I just want to join because of some artificial mechanism which compels me to change my behavior for something I don't really even want?'
Sometimes the hardest thing to so is to choose not to fit in...
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