I can't believe it's over already...
This was one of the best vacations I've had in a very long time...
I only wish I were still going to be here to climb Airport Mesa again and spend a little more time gazing at the moon...
(When I originally wrote this I didn't picture the hiking boots...)
It is the things I've left undone which haunt me far more that the things I've done. - Madeline L'Engle
How much of my potential have I wasted by 'taking the easy way out?' How much more could I have accomplished if I'd just stayed focused?
I know, to some extent it ends up being the choices I've made and for the most part I'm happy with my choices.
But if I'm honest with myself I have to admit that at least in part, it's because I was distracted by something easier to accomplish... or more fun... or less challenging...
And then I am left aching for the things I haven't done...
I have so many things I want to do, and yet I just don't do them...
I'm sure my story is not unique...
But then, that is the part I hate the most... I have things I want to do... and ideas that are different... and scream to be told... The inside of my head holds the most miraculous things...
You'd see if I could ever get them out...
Really...
Except, what if the things in my head are no more miraculous than the things swirling around in anyone else's head... What if the only thing that makes one unique is the ability to get them out where they can be seen?
If so, then until I can actually bring something to life from start to finish... I've accomplished nothing...
January is a month of new beginnings...
I have so many things swirling in my head that I don't know where to begin...
On the one hand, it's fabulous to be on going-up side of the rollercoaster...
On the other, with so many things swirling I'm afraid something will get dropped...
It's so hard to remember on each side of the wall, what the other feels like...
This side is MUCH better...
But without the wall there would be no sides... Without the down there would be no up again...
I love that part...
I have promised myself that I will write something here every day.
That promise in itself is enough to make all my thoughts turn to inky vapor and slide away just outside the edges of my awareness.
It's not that I have a problem with goals per se, I set goals all the time in my personal and professional life. But something about trying to force my ideas to a timetable seems to run counter to the mechanisms that produce them in the first place.
My best thought streams seem come in their own time, and just roll off my fingers just as fast as I can type them. But if I try to make them bigger than they are, or to have more form, or to conform to some higher purpose they go all mushy and refuse to cooperate.
And I am left with nothing but ambitious plans that go no where.
And little snippets of ideas and pictures and lovely spinning stars that languish for lack of substance and framework...
This space is an attempt at a framework... And my hope is that if the framework is spacious enough, the ideas will feel free to come at their own pace and in their own time... Sliding like fog along the floor and under the cracks in the doors...
And fill this place to the brim...
photo: flickr creative commons - jurvetson
