I can't believe it's over already...
This was one of the best vacations I've had in a very long time...
I only wish I were still going to be here to climb Airport Mesa again and spend a little more time gazing at the moon...
(When I originally wrote this I didn't picture the hiking boots...)
Water not too hot...
Use a chopstick to stir the 'slurry' and watch it 'bloom'
Now set the timer... Four minutes isn't so long...
Now press... slowly slowly...
Good china cups... a good splash of cream...
Heaven...
The place doesn't matter...
And if you have to travel too far to find it, then the peace you find is lessened by that energy you had to exert to get there...
Find your center in the center of where you are...
How many times have you repeated the past?
How many times have you made the same mistake you supposedly learned from before?
I like to think that I learn from my mistakes... When I make a mistake, when something doesn't turn out the way I had expected it to, I try to examine it very critically (if only to myself). I try to force myself to look clearly and be as honest as I can be about what I have done and why...
I was selfish... I was afraid... I was greedy... I just lost focus... This isn't working the way I wanted it to... I was tired, lazy, overly ambitious...
Whatever the reason... even if I couldn't say it out loud, I wanted to understand it for myself... And mostly I think I do...
So why is it then that I still seem to repeat some of the same mistakes over and over?
It's almost 'bugs on flowers' season!!!
Because sometimes the well just appears at your feet and you can't help but fall in...
Remember:
photo: Flickr Creative Commons
There is no point where you get to cross a line, make a commitment and flip a switch and then suddenly you get to relax into your happily ever after and never worry about it again...
Sorry...
It just doesn't work that way...
Being with someone is a choice you make...
Every day...
Every time you meet someone new...
Every time you're cranky or pissed or angry...
Every time someone flirts with you...
You choose...
If you're lucky... the choice is easy...
If the choice is tough to make... then maybe you should rethink your situation...
But don't blame anyone else...
YOU... have to CHOOSE...
Just outside the periphery of my vision... Just beyond where I can grasp...
That's where the answers to everything seem to lie...
If I could just get there I would finally know...
Everything...
Interesting thought isn't it? I wonder what it is that makes us think that the answer to everything is waiting... anyplace...
Why is it that those fleeting, peripheral things invoke a feeling of such importance...
That people develop entire religions around trying to get there?
and I feel like I could accomplish anything...
If only I could bottle this for the times when it feels like the whole world is crashing down on my head...
As it is... from outside the deep dark well, I can remember the crushing, suffocating feeling but it doesn't seem quite real...
It's hard to remember... exactly what it's like...
Just like it's hard to remember the sunshine when I'm in the middle of a torrential downpour... I have it in memory, I can access the pictures... But I can't really taste it, or feel it...
It's not... quite... real...
The best I can do is to tell myself now, that I will remember this then...
And wait for it to pass...
Starts with defining what you want...
Don't worry... It's not set in stone. You can change it any time you want to...
But if you don't start with something...
You may not be happy with what you get...
